BORGY.net |

I was with Liz and Lhen this afternoon. After running errands we settled at a coffee shop in Mall of Asia in full view of the sunset. Pretty sight and also sentimental. Eventually, our conversation lead to love stuff and to Lhen and I being the overly opinionated ones.

In love, how do you know when to let go? How much is enough? When do you stop running after something that’s running away from you? When you stop and he/she comes back, should you accept him/her?

If you’d ask me you’d get a quick answer. And that comes with an explanation. But some of my friends find it hard to take action towards a new life without an old love. They would rather compromise their dignity and self-respect to try to put things back when in fact, it could never be the same again. You cannot save someone who doesn’t wish to be saved. In this situation, persistence doesn’t guarantee success.

It sounds nega but you have to face it. Wag mo ipagpilitan ang sarili mo sa ayaw sayo. We all deserve respect. We deserve love. And a person who can bear to see you cry without touching your face isn’t someone you should spend the rest of your life with. Sometimes you have to get out of that box to see a more beautiful world. Sabi nga sa Avenue Q, “there’s life outside your apartment!”

Be brave to take the first step. It’s the hardest and the most crucial. Look back but don’t step back. Move. Life goes on and so should you. Who knows, the better person may just be walking towards your crossroads.

This truly made me cry. I remember Mommy.

I miss my Mom. I forgot to greet her Happy Mothers’ Day. I don’t think I chimed in that same sentiment with everybody last weekend. No, I haven’t forgotten her. Maybe not talking about it was a way not to be reminded of the fact that I no longer have a mother.

But then I woke up last Sunday to lots of text messages saying “greet your Mom happy mothers’ day for me” so that fact was rubbed in quite well. It pierced my heart. I wanted to reply “Okay I will and I’ll tell her to personally thank you, too.” but then, I can’t make them be more sensitive about it. They don’t know how it feels to lose that very important person at a young age. They don’t know how it feels to find the answers to your own questions about life and how to live it. And they don’t know how it feels to be scared and not have a mother to run to and put you to sleep. Besides, I’m sure they meant sincere well wishes.

Three years since she left, I’ve taught myself to stay strong and act strong. But there’s always that hard-headed kid inside who longs for a mother’s hug. That kid who won’t stop crying until his mother takes him to her arms in that distinct embrace. So today, with much awareness of how important she really is, I do it. Mommy, Happy Mothers’ Day. I love you and I miss you so much.

In the end, it’s these small things that you remember. The little imperfections that make them perfect for you.

Saying goodbye is always sad and I’ve dealt with the hardest ones during the past three years. There’s no easy way and it’s especially hard when you know you don’t want something to end yet but it has to. It’s like reaching your curfew while on a happy night out with friends. Or running out of beer before you reach that drunken state. Nakakabitin. But you just have to deal with it, sleep it off and look forward to the next day. At least you got a taste of a sweet moment that you won’t forget.

Last Friday I spent my last day as a teacher in WELS Academy.

More after the jump…

Read the rest of this entry »

Most of the time all we need to do is simply open our minds to understand.

…

If there was nothing that I could say
Turned your back and you just walked away
Leaves me numb inside I think of you
Together is all I knew

We moved too fast but I had no sign
I would try to turn the hands of time
Then look to you for the reason why
The love we had passed me by

And as the sun would set you would rise
Fall from the sky into paradise
Is there no light in your heart for me?
You’ve closed your eyes, you no longer see

There were no lies between me and you
You said nothing of what you knew
But there was still something in your eyes
Left me helpless and paralyzed

You could give a million reasons,
change the world and change the times,
Could not give me the secrets of your heart
and of your mind
In the darkness that surrounds me now
there is no peace of mind
Your careless words undo me,
leave the thought of us behind.

Call me sentimental but I have now put a higher value towards spending time with my family on Sundays. During most of the week I barely see them because of my crazy work schedule and on Saturdays I choose to spend time with myself or Piglet or do other things that I need to do. That’s why I’m really strict about staying home on Sundays – no shopping or coffee or beer. It should be lounging around, oversleeping, overeating and just enjoying the feeling of doing a homerun.

This afternoon was extra special. It was the celebration of my brother and Ate Tin’s birthday so she, together with her husband, went here to have lunch with us. I had to get up early too because I promised to buy French bread and help them prepare.

We had a lot of food and it was a nice blessing from God. All my loved ones (who could practically be here, of course) were here and Piglet, who came home early from work, finally acted like he’s a member of the family. I’ve always wanted him to do/feel that but somehow in our past gatherings, he still sort of felt different. We ate together, had cake and ice cream together, cleaned the table together when everybody’s finished, prepared the snack together, and of course ate the snack together. And then we drew lots for our exchange of gifts on Christmas. We also wrote our wish lists on gift cards and hanged it on the Christmas tree so we wouldn’t have trouble finding the right gift for our “babies”.

Haaaaay…. It was bliss and for a moment I felt emotional and appreciated how good it was to belong to a family, even to a troubled one like mine. I love them so much. Through good things and bad things, no matter how badly you’ve hurt each other, you really can’t turn your back. There’s no place like home.

It’s here! Ortigas Center is filled with lights, my Korean students are feeling the cold, we already have set up the Christmas tree and we have put on the lights on our house. Christmas season has arrived. I can feel it. I even filled my iPod with holiday songs!

Here’s how our front doors looked like last year. They pretty much look the same this year. Above me were scores of lights draping from the balcony of the two floors so it was really very bright. And that’s how I look when I’m at home – I don’t really care much. Di pa yata ako nakaka-ligo when that picture was taken. Haha! The little girl’s my niece Iya.

You see, I always feel happy on Christmas. By merely seeing the lights of Ayala or Emerald Avenue or feeling the cold breeze at night, it sends a sweet sensation up my spine and just puts a smile on my face. I love it. Of course nostalgia is there because it used to be a complete family gathering and since not all our loved ones are near, part of the season remains incomplete. Yet it goes on with happiness for us in the family with the spirits of those who are far alive in our hearts. We always remember them.

Throughout the day I was playing the Chipmunk Christmas album in the office. Somehow I felt sad remembering my childhood (it was the first Christmas album I ever bought when I was a kid) because hearing them again reminded me how it felt to have my old family – when Mom was still here and Dad was still, well, my Dad. He used to hate hearing it play because he thought the chipmunks sounded like a broken cassette tape. But the kid won of course and I blasted it everyday in our karaoke player (you know the old four-foot cassette player with multiplex that looked like a robot with ears). Haaay … The memories.

Well, I have to look at what I still have now. Christmas will always be happy when I’m with them. As what Stitch said in the Lilo & Stitch movie, my family is “little and broken – but it’s still good.” Yep. Still good.

Moving on… Here’s the original version of “The Chimpmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late)” and I swear I almost cried when I heard it again last night. Hehe. Emotera . It’s so cute! “We can hardly stand the wait. Please Christmas don’t be late!” Awww… I miss being a little kid sometimes.

I haven’t seen the movie “Alvin and The Chipmunks” yet but the soundtrack has a new/modern version of The Chipmunk Song. Watch it below. I like them both! Which one you think is better?

Dear You,

Ever since “that day,” I’ve always thought of your welfare. Yes we don’t see eye to eye about many things but it doesn’t mean we should hate each other. What happened was a mistake and neither of us will concede, I know. But you can’t ever deny to yourself what you did. You may declare innocence in public and they may appear to believe you but I will never be one of them. My proof is solid and will win our case in any court, except to those who’d rather keep themselves naive to protect their ego. I feel sorry for the humiliation it caused you but by being stubborn, you brought it all to yourself.

And now, even with what recently happened between us, I also have to give up on what I’ve always considered important. I’m sure you know why. I worked hard for it but you never saw it valuable and took it for granted. You can’t go around fooling us by making up stories and lying. I put up with it for a while to let you figure out on your own that I wasn’t clueless. But you’ve been clueless about it, apparently, and continued your wicked ways. So, whatever this may bring you, I’m out of options. You might have said some truth in between your lies, but I don’t know what to believe now. That’s the bad thing about lying – you invalidate everything else that you say with just one lie. And it will take a lot of time and effort to regain your credibility.

Sorry. I’m not mad at you anymore. Let’s just keep silent and let this unwanted moment die a natural death.

Love,
B

Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.

Two years ago I lost the most important thing I never realized I had til it was too late. Even though I let go way before she left, I still feel the pain of losing her. My Mom never knew how much I loved her, how sorry I was for being a bad son before, and how I needed her more than anything. She held our families together and the day she left was when it all started to crumble down. The remnants I was able to hold in place are the only family I have now – a reminder of how big of a loss my mother was.

Today I want to remember how good she had been. How she helped people, how she gave so much to others and how strong she held on to keep our family intact. Grown-up issues never reached my ear because she kept them in so I wouldn’t bear judgement. I only found out after she left. She protected me from a bad feeling that could destroy one’s personality. When she left, I only heard thank yous from people who were there. She was very important to us that we became too dependent on her. Maybe God took her away from us so we’d learn how to take care of ourselves. A lesson that we had to learn the hard way.

Right now we’re starting to get up. Little by little putting back the broken pieces of ourselves. A process that wounded us, made us strong and helped us grow and yet whatever happens, things will never be the same. Mommy, wherever you are, thank you. I miss you so much Mommy – I’m taking care of our family like you’ve always wanted me to. I will always remember you. Always. I love you Mommy! Happy birthday!